Thinking

   I really wish I had stayed up to write this last night. I was doing some really good thinking then that I can't quite remember now. It's like that fuzzy thinking you do just before drifting off to sleep that is usually very deep and disconnected.

  This thought process was begun at a Shawn McDonald concert last night. Ryan and I went with his old friends and my new friends Cole and Crystal. Standing amongst the crowd it brought back a rush of memories such as the first time I saw Shawn McDonald during Fall break of Junior year. He was at the Door then and so much had not yet happened to me. I was so young and it was such a BIG deal to be going to Deep Ellum. How did I ever convince mom to let me do that. The second time I saw him in concert was at ETBU and I got to help sell tickets. It's always fun to be a part. On that occasion I remember being in and out of the concert alot. Perhaps to talk on the phone or something it seems. It was a very sereal night. I sat in the back all though I think I truly wanted to be much closer to the front. And for most of the concert I just sat and enjoyed it alone. I don't really remember being around too many people there.

  Remembering those two moments made me think of all the people that have been in my life since then and how much has truly changed. I went to the first concert with Amber C. who is now Amber H. and as I thought about that first concert and the good times I had with her it really hit me that she is about to move to the other side of the world and could quite possibly be years until I see her again. It's a striking feeling to know you won't see one of your best friends. It's almost like you have to mourn them. And what else struck me was that I will have to say goodbye to her at my wedding because she is leaving the next day. It such a joyous moment I will have to say goodbye to someone so dear. It won't be the first time this has occured. The same happened when Coby stole Sam from me (just kidding), but it was at their wedding that I had to say goodbye to her and I cried for an hour after that.

  The second concert experience was one which Charlotte was in charge of. Now she is on the other side of the world living out grand adventures and doing the work of God. Her stories she shares are powerful and inspirational to me at home. Here is a girl who's life changed so much during the college years, living out her desires in a place she had never considered until the Lord called her that direction. When I first met Charlotte she was my RA, someone I went to for help and looked up to as someone who could care for me in a time of need. Never did I realize on freshman move in day that we would end up quite good friends by graduation. But really that's how it went with most of the friends I made in college.

Last night at the concert there was a rather tall skinny fellow standing near by that of course reminded me of Ryan Abt, yet another close friend who has become distant not just because of time but because of him too being on the other side of the world. How strange it is that we were once so close and now it's just not that way. I know that if I were to somehow run into him, it would be like always. We would talk. And then we would go on with our lives. That's how true friends are I think. When you see them there is always a connection and will always be a connection but it changes.

I guess I say all of this to reflect on how little of this was anticipated when I was going through those changing years called college. When I met all of these people, I did not know how much impact they would have on my life. I did know when I met them, that they would end up on the other side of the world. I did not know, I suppose, that goodbyes were going to have to be said for long periods of time. Of course I also did not know I was going to find the man of my dreams in Ryan Dudark. I did not know that I would marry a man who desired to live in Greenville, that is funny yet smart, who knows the connection to family that I know and doesn't look down on me or question me for still living at home, who cares how my heart is and will question whether I'm ok or not, who can pick up on my moods and addresses them, who is responsible and willing to work with my downfalls and the list could go on. I did not know that we would have adult, married friends in our city yet it appears we will. It's this thing called growing up. It's change. It's good. It's bad. It's a part of life.   

Forever Ago

Forever ago is how I would describe my last post. It was suddenly brought to my attention that I no longer used this thing. Yes Amber P you are right. Since having Ryan to talk to all the time and share my thoughts with I have stopped sharing them with the outside world. I even journal less in my personal journal. In a way that's sad because I enjoy looking back on my old words, but in a way it's great because it is so much better to have someone to share those day to day moments with besides just sharing them with my future self.

So since last August, there have been two major developments in my life.

A: I'm getting married. Actually it is 100 days from today I believe. The time since engagement in December and now has flown by. I mean it's moving as fast as a rocket! This week being spring break, I thought I would have a chance to get a lot done plus relax a little, but even with all day to work, there is still a lot to do. I can't express how excited I am for the 28th of June to come. Sure it's stressful and at times overwhelming, but in the end I get to have an amazing husband and we get to start our life together. I'm sure I've got a lot to learn, but I look forward to this part of life and to it's rewards and challenges.

B: Come the end of the summer I'm going to be an aunt, and no not just to one baby, but two! Hillery (the oldest sister) is pregnant with twins. One is a boy and one is a girl. This means the name Hunter will be taken before I have a son (hopefully one day many years from now). The girls name is Sydney. I think they are going to be wonderful children. It's a lot of change for one summer which again can be overwhelming at times, but it's such good change. I'll do my best to handle the change gracefully.

So upon my return to Xanga, I don't really have anything profound to say. Just an update to my life and all its new phases.

These summer days are fantastic, but they don't really warrant any great stories to tell. I pretty much sleep to late, eat lunch, laze around for the afternoon, and either cook dinner or hang out with Ryan. Prior to this week, my other summer days were filled with preparing for weddings. Now that those are behind me, the days themselves are hum drum.

I do have a puppy now. I got to keep one of Ellie's puppies. I named her Sadie May (May is also Ellie's middle name. I'm keeping it in the family). She's white with blackish/grey spots. I've bought too much for her, but she has to be ready for vacation in another week so I use that as my excuse.

The whole family (including the old and new brother-in-laws) and four dogs are going to Savannah, Georgia for a week of relaxation (hopefully). We're actually staying on a barrier island outside of Savannah. We'll be a block from the beach and they provide bicycles for transportation. I can't wait. I love bicycles and I love the beach. I'm going to mark taking the dogs as the grand adventure of the trip. It's been over ten years since we took dogs on vacation with us and that was just to Texoma.

Well it's time for me to get out of the house. Have good days!!!

Things are changing for the best! I am incredibly happy right now and looking forward to what the future holds.

1. I have someone in my life who makes me laugh everyday and seems to adore me (which of course I love) Most of you won't know him. His name is Ryan Cory Dudark and I like him very much so you should too!

2. It's summer. I'm still getting a pay check even though I'm doing no work for the next two months.

3. My sister and two best friends are getting married in the next few weeks (congratulations Lora, Amber, and Ryan. I hope the best for you.)

4. I like playing with the puppies even though they will go away soon (Blue, Toots, Sassy, and Sadie)

5. Sleeping late is awesome!

Have good days!!!